


the impact, after the fall

by davidelizabeth



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Titans (TV 2018)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Gen, Hurt Jason Todd, Implied/Referenced Torture, Jason Todd Deserves Better, Jason Todd Has Issues, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:33:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23261029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/davidelizabeth/pseuds/davidelizabeth
Summary: Jason Todd is falling. He hasn’t stopped falling since his hand slipped from Dick’s, and he started plummeting to his doom. Jason falls, and falls, and hits the ground, over and over again, until all sense of time is lost. Nothing seems real anymore, all he knows is falling, and impact. His body doesn’t move, barely responding to commands, with a sluggish, slow molasses coating everything inside his body.
Relationships: Alfred Pennyworth & Jason Todd
Comments: 2
Kudos: 167





	the impact, after the fall

**Author's Note:**

> i thought these scenes with jason were really striking, aside from the fact that almost none of them are actually about jason himself. the scene with rose is all about. rose. the roof scene is about dick and his mistake. none of these scenes are about JASON. i might come back to this and add another chapter, or maybe make it a series. alfred is here because he loves jason with all his heart and i could never imagine alfred just abandoning him.

Jason Todd is falling. He hasn’t stopped falling since his hand slipped from Dick’s, and he started plummeting to his doom. Jason falls, and falls, and hits the ground, over and over again, until all sense of time is lost. Nothing seems real anymore, all he knows is falling, and impact. His body doesn’t move, barely responding to commands, with a sluggish, slow molasses coating everything inside his body. 

People stop in front of his room, before continuing past. Vaguely he wonders if anyone has checked on him or if he’s been alone since they brought Conner and him back to the tower. He can’t remember the last time he ate, lost in the falling. His body hurts, his stomach screams for food, his skin crawls with the feeling of being dirty, dirt clinging to his skin like a mud he can’t scrape off. His hair is greasy and stiff. It feels like cardboard, and only gets worse the more he runs his hands through it.

His door opens, and someone walks in. He isn’t paying attention, someone places a hand on his shoulder, and he barely notices, until they turn him around and force him to look at them. It was Rose, he hadn’t even realised just how loud his music was until it was gone. The remnants of the song, echos, and plays in the back of his head.

Rose says something, and he nods, not listening to what she says, as he continues to fall. Impacting, when his brain grows tired of falling. Each impact makes him shudder, his neck snapping back in his head, and his knees almost giving out each time. Each impact is as shocking as the last, the same every time.

The music is turned back on, and suddenly Rose is dancing on the edge of his vision. He still isn’t paying attention, till her hands are on him. Her hands are cold, like ice, and they make him shudder in discomfort. The falling never stops, as she drags him around the room, talking to him, as he continues to fall. Nothing she says registers, only bouncing off of him. Only some words breakthrough, he doesn’t know what she’s saying until she lets go of him. Before she goes back to the record collection, he had borrowed from Dick, with his half-hearted permission.

He snaps back into reality, as Rose starts yelling. “This is my brother! It’s his handwriting! Why do you have this? Have you been lying to me? Why is this here?” She seems so worked up, Jason didn’t even know she had a brother.

“I don’t even know who you’re talking about, I borrowed these from Dick! You have a brother?” He says, trying to convey to her that he has, literally no clue what’s going on. Everything is so overwhelming. Part of him longs for that time where he didn’t hear anything, or see anything, back in Slade’s den. He shudders, when he thinks about it, quickly backtracking through that. Jason really didn’t wish he was back there, as the phantom pains wracked through his body at the mere thought of being back there.

Before he knows it, she’s storming off, and he’s so confused. Jason has no clue what just happened. Rose apparently has a brother? And for some reason, Dick had his records? His body is so weak, and everything is just too much. He puts his head in his hands and tries to calm down.

He loses time again until someone else storms into his room. His private space keeps getting disrespected again and again. It makes his skin crawl. Something about the tower sets his skin aflame, he doesn’t know what it is, maybe it’s the slew of shared spaces, the lack of real privacy, or perhaps it’s the company.

Rachel slams into his room with a tangible fury. He snaps to attention as she gets into the face with an undercurrent of violence in her body language. She starts yelling something about crosses, “Why did you paint all the crosses in my room? Are you really this psychotic? Did it make you happy? Did it make you feel proud?”

Once again, he literally has no fucking clue what’s going on, and he wants to fucking cry. Coming to the tower was a fucking mistake, everyone was continually jumping down his throat, putting him down, pushing him into a corner that he couldn’t escape from. Rachel was still talking, up in his face, and he literally couldn’t put up with this anymore.

“Get the fuck out of my room, I don’t know what in the fucking world you’re talking about. Just leave me the fuck alone.” He says, shoving her out of his fucking way. When she doesn’t leave his bedroom, or even just get out of his face, he pushes her away so he can finally escape.

She follows him, yelling at him the entire time. Every word bounces off of him, he doesn’t hear a word, all he can think about is falling. All he can do is wait for the impact, and hope it doesn’t hurt. Rachel is hot on his heels as he breaks into the kitchen from the hallway. He stops to catch his breath as everyone in the room calls to him, as Rachel starts to dribble her shit about whatever the fuck she thinks he did.

Hank gets in his face, while he’s zoned out, and is suddenly talking to him, “Did you put the fucking scotch in my room? If you did that to Rachel, did you put the booze in my room?”

Everyone else decides to jump on the ‘lets gang up on Jason’ bandwagon. Throwing more and more accusations at him. He’s already wound up to an extreme, waiting for the impact to happen again. Tears start to leak out of his eyes, he can’t take any more of this shit. It hurts, he had thought even if these people hated every single thing about him, that at least they could respect him with some common decency. But apparently, no one had that here.

“Am I just a convenient scapegoat? I’ve been in my room all fucking day, I haven’t left, haven’t eaten, haven’t done anything. I hope for the world’s sake you bastards never have children, or even look at another child, let alone speak to them. I hope you rot in hell. I’d rather be stuck with Deathstroke again then spend another second with you bastards.” He says, before storming off towards the stairs, just as Dick storms in to capture their attention.

Climbing the stairs is hard when all he can think about is falling. His body is telling him that he’s going down, but his brain knows that he’s ascending. He makes it to the roof. The fresh air, and breeze, assault him. Almost knocking him over. The air had always felt so light here, compared to the dark and deep taste of Gotham air. It rushes over his lungs in a way that almost makes him feel light-headed.

The ledge calls to him. Something about him was poisonous. No one could stand him, everyone turned on him eventually. Everything he did was a mistake. No one, not even Batman himself, could deal with Jason for too long, before sending him away to become someone else’s problem.

Alfred at least had looked at him with something bordering on respect, maybe even love, if he had been able to stay in Gotham for a bit longer. The old man had rung him almost every night to see how he was. Not even Bruce had done that, he’d gotten the occasional request for updates on his status, and training. But Bruce had never come. Not when his tracker went dead, not when he had called him a hundred times, leaving message after message, begging him to be able to come back home.

It had taken a single call to Alfred to talk to the man, and Alfred had understood everything. He was already preparing an escort home for him, with or without Bruce’s and Dick’s permission. It was too bad that Alfred had organised that escort for nothing. All they would be escorting home would be his cold corpse, and his apology note he had written for Alfred. Maybe the letter he had written for Bruce if he cared enough to open it, or even enough to find it.

There was also a note for Connor if he ever got better, and a note for Garfield. The only people to really ever help him. In Alfred’s letter, he had begged the man to take both of them away from Dick’s wardship and to take them somewhere better. Dick wasn’t a good leader. He couldn’t bring them together, in the way that Bruce brought together the Justice League or the way the street kids banded together to survive the harsh Gotham winters.

He impacts again, and it makes him sway on the ledge of the tower. It looks so pretty, the city. Nothing like Gotham’s harsh sights and sounds, as the city fights for its own survival. The pavement below calls his name. The wind sweeps through his crusty hair, it shudders down his spine and feels like a breath of fresh air.

His eyes slip closed, taking a few deep breaths, before the roof access door slams open. It’s Dick, predictably. He could never just do something without being interrupted. Dick talks at him for a while, only a few things getting in here and there, but it’s enough for Dick to pull him back from the ledge, and tug him downstairs. Jason doesn’t understand the mental leaps it takes for Dick to come to the conclusion that he had killed Jericho.

Dick settles him into the couch and starts to talk to the rest of the Titans. The story sounds just as bullshit the second time, and he says so. “Your story is bullshit. Slade got you right where he wanted you, and fucked you up hard. How is it your fault that Jericho thought you were good enough to save? He sounds like a better person than the rest of you combined.” He says, lounged out on the couch, beside Kori.

The Titans erupt into yelling, which bounces off him, as he starts to fall again, everyone is arguing. None of them notices that the elevator starts to tick up, creeping towards the top level. Jason and Kori are the only ones who see, as it sets her on edge, and all Jason can think, is that he hopes it’s Alfred, come to rescue him from the death grip of the fractured Titans, and their blood feud with Slade.

Everyone goes silent when the elevator dings and Alfred walks out, his suit crisp and well put together. Hope rises in Jason’s throat, will he get to go home? Back to the Manor? He looks the same as he always does, but there’s a hard look in his eye. Jason rises from the couch and walks towards Alfred. Feeling the impact in his bones, as he looks into his only source of comfort in his eyes, for the first time since he was sent away.

“Hello my boy, it is a delight to see you again, even under such. Distasteful circumstances. It pains me to see you in such disrepair. The Manor is ready for your return, but I’m starting to believe that you never should have left the nest so early.” Alfred says, fussing over him, as he stares down the occupants of the kitchen. “Go get your bag, and have a quick shower, while I reacquaint myself with the Titans. We can stop for lunch before our flight home. Hurry off,” Alfred says with a soft smile, ushering off towards his room.

He follows his directions around the corner, before stopping, and sliding down the wall into a sitting position. Desire to know what’s about to be said drives him to wait. It doesn’t take long.

“First things first, Garfield, would you like to accompany us back to the Wayne manor? I have been informed of your involvement with Jason and would like to thank you. He may be brash and hard to get to know, but he appreciated everything you did. I have also been informed of young Connor’s situation, and have been given the needed clearance to have him moved to the Manor as well. You are both welcome to join us.” Alfred says, nodding towards Garfield, as he picks himself up from the kitchen bench he had been sitting on.

“Sounds like a good offer, I just want the best for Connor. I tried to help Jason, but everyone here keeps tearing him down. I’ll go grab my shit and some of the things I got for Connor.”

Dick rallies up his courage to say something, “You can’t just take the kids! Batman gave me guardianship over Jason, and the rest of the kids!”

Alfred raises an eyebrow, “What is given, can easily be taken away when you’re easily proven negligent. You seem to forget that Bruce has this whole complex’s cameras flagged for suspicious activity. You putting Jason down, and humiliating him in front of everyone was certainly suspicious activity. As was the verbal lashing Jason was put through, no less than half an hour ago, according to my tablet.”

Dick splutters, before taking a step bed and bowing his head. Some of the others try to buy in and claim it wasn’t their fault, but Alfred shushes them quickly, with a wave of his hand. Jason starts to fall all over again, back to the same old pattern.

“Rose, the same offer, has been extended to you. Or if you would prefer, we can set you up in a secure safe house, away from the city. Rachel, I’m sure you know why you are not welcome within the Manors walls. Other than that, I’m extremely disappointed in each, and every one of the rest of you. You are adults. You all know what it was like to be laughed off as nothing but sidekicks, and yet here you are. Doing the same thing, over and over again. Disgraceful.” Alfred continues, tearing each and every adult, aside from Kori apart, as they try to claim their own innocence, over and over again. 

Garfield walks past and stops to crouch down in front of him, “Come on, man, you don’t need to hear the rest of this shit. We were brought in to be a family and a team, but I really don’t see much of that shit happening here. Let’s go get you into a shower, you reek man, seriously.”

And with that, Jason impacts again, but this time, it hurts a little less, knowing that finally, he is going to get to go home. That, and that Alfred is still giving the Titans a formal dress down. Which brings a small smile to his face. 

**Author's Note:**

> check me out on twitter @rymewji


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